ZAS: Knock, knockBanana Who?
by trecebo
Summary: Pink bananas, 'Shep-head', and Donna Noble...what's a Radek to do?


**Knock, knock...Banana Who?**

An SG-A/Dr. Who crossover. They belong to other people. No spoilers. Ten with Donna; Radek and Rodney go shopping. Because I can.

* * *

**Knock, Knock. Who's there? Banana! Banana who? Precisely.**

"I swear, Radek, you and those pink monstrosities. Just...why am I even bothering?" Rodney sputtered as Zelenka kept moving forward.

"I did not ask you to come, Rodney," Radek called back. "In fact, I even warned you of the purple citrus found here."

Pausing only a beat, Rodney caught up with his friend. "Oh, har har. Do you really think I"m going to fall for a lemon painted lavender? I think not."

The produce stall loomed before them, a teaming structure of life. Zelenka plunged in, knowing exactly what to get and how to get it, thanks to Teyla's thorough instructions. Her gentle voice had stressed polite, but firm, a sprinkle of flattery, and a solid price. Radek knew how to haggle as well, and looked forward to the challenge.

He settled into a haphazard line that meandered toward the bright pink fruit. The market master caught his attention, waving him to the head of the line, much to the protest of another patron.

"Oi! Skinny man! Where do you get off, cuttin' in line like tha'?"

Zelenka turned slowly, unsure if he was the skinny man in question. To his thinking, there were several other slender men in the vicinity. He looked at the outspoken redhead, mouthing "Me?"

"Yes, you," she sneered. "Oh, mighty cutter of lines, perhaps since you seem to have faaaaaavor, you wouldn't mind if I join you, eh?"

Having suffered the company of alleged super-genius Rodney McKay, Radek merely shrugged, and continued toward the counter, shutting out the sputtering behind him.

"Hey, you can't ignore me, skinny man. I'll have you know--"

"Donna? Donna!" A bright voice cut through her rant. "What do we have here? A new friend?"

Tuning out the inane chattering that continued behind him, Zelenka moved forward, grasping hands with the market master. He intoned the greeting Teyla had drilled into him, pleased at the merchant's response. A bushel of bright pink Pegasus bananas appeared.

"Oh. Oh, my. Are those? Donna, do you see those?" The voice behind Radek fairly dripped with desire. He cut a glance of his shoulder to see a tall man with what Rodney would call 'Shep-head' practically swooning at the produce in the market master's grip.

"Get a grip, alien man. It's only fruit, I think. Is it?" Shooting Zelenka a suspicious eye, the red-head-- Donna--reached out to poke the pink bananas. She snorted. "Those aren't bananas."

Pushing up his glasses, Radek gave a little grin. He gestured for a second bushel of the fruit and commenced haggling in the quick, sharp tone Teyla had practiced with him. When finally done, he sighed, pleased that he hadn't been kidnapped, shot, or beaten. A hand smacked him on the head sending his glassed flying.

"Oi! You bought both lots. What if we'd wanted some?" Blue eyes flashed above a tightly pursed mouth. Donna gave a wee nod toward her companion who looked quite forlorn as he retrieved the formerly air-born eye wear.

Blinking as he replaced his glasses, the Atlantis scientist mumbled in Czech before answering. "Well, you see, I...I bought them for my friend who is expecting, and since I had plenty of credits, I bought some for you, too."

The tall man's smile nearly blinded all in the vicinity. "This is great. Donna, do you realize how brilliant this is? In the middle of the Pegasus galaxy, a man from Earth, your Earth mind you, bought me bananas! I love humans!" He took the pro-offered bushel and followed Zelenka to a side table.

"Do you know how to peel them?" A gentle smirk played about his lips as he fingered the scars from his attempts.

"It's a banana, skinny boy. A banana. Any small child could do this..." Her tongue stuck out to the side as she gripped the fruit in a futile attempt to bend back the top and peel it. After a few more moments, she cast a frustrated look toward her associate. "Doctor?"

He had the pink fruit cradled in his hands, sniffing the outer skin, looking for all the world like a man in love. "Mmmm. It even smells like one. What? Oh, Donna, what'd'yousay?"

Her eyes bore into his. "I can't get this open."

Radek cleared his throat. "If you would?" He reached for Donna's prize.

"Whatever."

Using Ronon's technique, the fruit lay open and inviting for her to try. Zelenka presented it to her with a flourish that would make his mother proud.

Donna took it with a growl.

"Donna..." The tall man drew the word out, reminding Radek of when McKay mis-behaved and Sheppard scolded him.

"Thank. You." She popped a bite into her mouth and chomped down, wonder filling her face. "Oh my God! It's a pink banana and it's heavenly." She finished chewing and rounded on Zelenka, catching him off guard with a breathy, banana-flavored kiss. "Thank **you**, banana boy."

"Hey! Get your hands....lips...hands off my friend!" Rodney's voice cut through Radek's fog. "What? Who? Zelenka, who are these people and why was she kissing you? And what's with the hair? It's the hair, isn't it? Did I miss the stall that sells 'Shep-head'? Because I'was pretty sure Sheppard is the only one in this galaxy who could pull that off, but you..." McKay gestured to the tall man.

"Yes, yes, I know, it's the hair I came with. It goes with the suit and shoes. You like? This is Donna Noble, and I'm--"

"You're a chick magnet, yes, I can see that, thanks for rubbing it in. Come on, Radek. Lorne says we have to go." McKay huffed impatiently as Zelenka picked up his basket of pink fruit. "Oh, God, you actually bought those?"

"Yes, Rodney. For Teyla." Settling the basket against a hip-bone, he turned to Donna. "Be careful with the skins. Is tough. I have scars to prove it."

"Oh, don't mind us. I can open them just fine. In fact, I'll just use my sonic--"

"Ra-dek!" McKay stormed back from his ten paces forward to grab his friend by the arm. "If you keep this up, Sheppard won't let you come back."

"Is not **me** being rude, Rodney." Zelenka glanced back once more to see the tall man open the banana with what appeared to be a hand-held screwdriver/flashlight type device. As McKay pulled him along, the crowd swallowed the strange pair, leaving the Czech wondering what the man's name was. "I think she called him 'Doctor'."

"What's that, Doc?" Radek found himself in the midst of the landing party, Lorne curiously staring at him.

"He met some natives in the market and I found him kissing one of them at the produce stall," McKay pronounced loudly.

Amid the catcalls, Zelenka blushed, pushing through the group, plunking his basket down. Lorne came up beside him, an easy-going grin on his face. "Making out with the natives, Dr. Z? That's not like you."

Radek spoke into his shoulder, busy securing his purchase. "I simply bought some bananas to share and showed them how to open."

"You know McKay is going to have a field day with this, don't you?" The major looked sympathetic.

"Yes," the scientist murmured.

"Was it worth it? The bananas and your...reward?"

Radek said nothing, his smile fighting to be free.

**The end.**

**

* * *

AN: **I had this buzzing around for a while. It's just for fun. A one-shot in the ZAS collection. Although, how Rodney could manage to motor over Ten, I'll never know. He might show up just to...nah. What are the odds on that? Yeah? About the same as making the Kessler run in under 12 parsecs. Please review if you have thoughts on this little meeting of the minds. **  
**


End file.
